Lyrics to “Da Vinci's Ho”:


Ho ho-ho

Woo woo woo woo, ho ho ho ho
Wooooh Da Vinci’s Ho, huh-ho

Can’t take no mo’ of that bullsh…ow
So dark the con of the consumer

Da Vinci’s Ho,
Oh no

The “Da Vinci Code” has no real truth or discretion
It’s just “Da Vinci’s Ho”…ya know
Claims to be fact but it’s just fake inven-tion
The Da Vinci Hoax, Oh oh
In Greek “Ho-Christos” is “The Christ”, but He ain’t no ho
Didn’t roll on the flo’ with Mary Magdalene, yo
The unholy Hieros Gamos and all the occult bimbos
Those Gnostics lost it, porno snow

Mary Mag’s the Sacred Feminine, mostly ‘cause she’s pregnant
Guess those chaste nuns aren’t good enough?!
A woman’s the “Holy Grail” when she’s a filled-up “piece of tail” (?)
Would we want Mother Teresa in the buff? That’s rough!!!

Ho ho ho ho? no no no no!
Get off of that stuff, that’s enough of your guff, Bud

“Ho” means “I have” in Italian, “ho fatto” is “I did”
So Dan Brown can say “Ho fatto mucho stupido”, kid

Woo woo woo woo, ho Ho ho Ho
Wooooh Da Vinci’s Ho uh-oh!

Robert Langdon ain’t no Indiana Jones, no
I’ll take Michael Landon or even Ralph Kramden, bro
Leonardo and Michelangelo ain’t just no turtles
They made great art, not just some porno trasho

Tom Hanks in his mullet like a bullet, like Private Ryan
savin’ the Priory of Zion, I laugh so hard I’m dyin’, I’m cryin’ mm-mm
The critics at Cannes said he acted like a zombie
Better run to his mommie, better not try to con me

And poor Audrey Tautou, she just goin’ coo-coo
Her reputation’s going down
You were better in Amélie, you know dat’s right baby
Now you just some cinema clow-ow-ow-ow-own

The movie made some dollas but don’t say “Holla”
It got beat by the X-men film whoa, X like the Cross, boss yo

The book is popular like Lindsay Locust, shallow focus
Lit crits think it’s a pile of sh…, just hocus pocus joke us

Woo woo woo woo, Ho Ho Ho Ho
Wooooh Da Vinci’s Code sold its soul for gold, gold, gold

Brown’s just creatin’ a Neo matrix, cos he likes to fake it
He worse than the Merovingians, he shoulda read Corinthians
Neveu, Necco, Neo, I prefer Flo-Jo or an omelet at HoJo
Not being stabbed by some albinos in a trench coat

Dan Brown, call him D. Bro
Lies like Tony Snow and Karl Rove
Try to fool the po’ folks in Kokomo
Treating Jesus like an oversexed bonobo

And Ron Howard, R. Ho,
Ain’t no happy days for the truth, yo
Da Vinci Virus is a viral code
Trick the people yo, like a travelin’ show

Dishonest fiction like a second crucifixion

New charges of plagiarism, not just from Leigh and Baigent,
Can Dan Brown be trusted at all? Did he fall?
Leigh Teabing’s a composite, from the acronymic closet,
At least thank Leigh and Baigent, don’t be so small, don’t crawl

The author’s deception got decoded
Like the Judas code, he got frozen

Dan Brown, D. Bro made so much ludocris dough
He proud he got Da Vinci’s Ho in every area code, like a pimp-o

Old pagan myth to dis Jesus
Does that please us? If you’re skeezes

Ain’t no celibate hero like Frodo, ain’t even cool as Yoko Ono
So keep your poisoned gelato, Langdon don’t represent Leonardo

The Code sold its soul, D. Bro sold his soul

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Copyright 2006 David Boyle     All rights reserved

Any inspiration etc. in “Da Vinci's Ho” is included in the spirit of non-profit “fair use”; artistic commentary as protected by the First Amendment, including reflective or educational commentary on actions of authors, actors, or filmmakers; “experimental demo” creation of music; etc.

Page first put up July 4, 2006

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